The Year 2013 was time for a new start! I had been miserable for years for many different reasons but, I seemed to have one answer for all of them. TO EAT! If I was sad and it was night time I thought perfect time for a large supper type meal. What I called Food Food. It was normally something from a fast food restaurant or a simple but high calorie meal at home. If there was a holiday it was a perfect time to make a big meal with appetizers and desserts, even though there are only a few people at my home. There would be easily enough for 6 people but I would have seconds and sometimes thirds. A way I bonded with my Fiance was with food. Going out to dinner, having snacks, making him all his meals and treats and going to the movies with snacks (popcorn, nachos, frozen yogurt, candy and pop). Also if i was depressed and feeling really down one day cooking wasn’t an option so fast food and a whole pizza to myself was. I even over eat little things when i’m lonely. So you can see this all adds up to a lot of weight gain.
When I moved out of my parents house and got an apartment with my Fiance I weighed 150. I had gained already about 30 or so lbs and really felt I was getting fat. This just made me upset and didnt encourage me to make healthy changes that would last. I didnt know what to do yet so the problem just kept getting worse. I was enjoying myself and when I was having the food I was happy, but the bigger I got the more unhappy I got. When I went to sleep, looked in the mirror, got to big for my clothes, had to attend a family event and even just go out in public I would feel awful about being fat. When I was in high school I was often idolized for my looks or envied and I enjoyed this and felt secure that at least there was something about me people liked and noticed. When I started to put on more and more weight I began to feel shame. I couldn’t face people from that time in my life now! What would they think, they would laugh in my face for what I had become. This made me ignore the problem and keep eating and eating, not caring about the consequences at that moment.
What made me decide that I didn’t want to live this way anymore? Pure misery! I felt so awful everyday and so ashamed of myself, i never wanted this to happen. I knew I had so many changes to make and I knew it would be the hardest thing i’ve ever done for myself. I am proud to say now that I have lost 14 lbs this year, Its been a huge struggle and there have been up and downs but its a lifestyle change. Change takes time and habits are hard to break.
Before I started this journey I would always see peoples weight loss success stories and think wow good for you, but I have no idea where to start and I find your advice completely unhelpful. Well I now understand why I didn’t get there advice, because to lose weight you really have to want it for yourself and you have to get yourself ready to make a big change using small steps. Every achievement no matter how small will put a smile on your face and boost your confidence, even if you had none to start with. I think every one should feel this reward. I had never felt this way so often until I started making better choices for myself and completing small goals.
If your sick of being over weight and want to make a life change follow me to my next post about my step by step how I began my weight loss journey. I’m no expert but these are my personal experiences that have worked for me and I believe are healthier alternatives to my old life style.
Hope you enjoyed my story and that I’ve inspired you to make a healthy choice today!
Here is my before picture from April. 2013 I weighed about 240 lb. Face is blurred for privacy.